If you have ever heard the words, ‘It’s cancer’ then you will know the turmoil those two little words can have on you.
Your world will turn upside down and inside out in that instant. If it is anything like me, your mind will go to thinking about those you love… how on earth can you tell them? You can’t protect those around you from it. Cancer affects everyone in your circle. It’s brutal in its aggressive and confrontational manner.
You can’t avoid it, delay it, ignore it, placate it or negotiate with it. It is a marching enemy that will not stop until it’s won.
And so your journey begins…
I was diagnosed with throat cancer back in January 2022, and it was the last thing I expected to hear. I had a small lump come up on my throat and I honestly thought it was one of my glands up as I had just had a cold.Thanks to the diligence of a newly qualified doctor who was very conscientious I was referred to be checked out. Thank goodness for her!
My first test came on the day I was told I had cancer…. due to a mix up in appointments, they skipped the telling me appointment and I was put right into the starting treatment as my first appointment. In fact, as I entered the room and there was 6 people waiting to talk to me, I hadn’t officially been told I had cancer.
As I sat down the consultant asked me ‘What did I know?’ and I replied ‘Nothing officially but I’m guessing it’s not good news’ as I looked around the room.
The next hour I was talked at by the consultant, the radiographer, The oncology team, the nutritionalist, the macmillan nurse… and I went into ‘information gathering’ mode. I was so concentrated and didn’t want to miss any information.
By the end of the session I was booked to have teeth out, a tube put into my tummy for when I wouldn’t be able to eat, and my chemo and radiotherapy dates. We could have been talking about a work project for all the emotion I felt at the time…
Now I have been on my self development journey for a lot of years, and I made a choice from the outset that I was going to confront my fears head on! I wasn’t going to let this thing run all over me but instead I would meet it on the field and face everything that was coming my way. I left this first appointment quite buoyant. I went home, made dinner and wondered how I might tell my children?
Then I awoke at 4am in the morning with the dread and realisation that this might be it. This might be the beginning of the end. Faced with my mortality and realising that this was it I sobbed and sobbed. Once I calmed down, I asked myself if I was happy with the life I had lived so far… and the answer was yes! I had done lots, accomplished loads, and although I wasn’t ready to leave the party of this life I was at peace with the life I had lived.
I also realised that if I was going to stay I needed to change some things. Cancer has a way of making you laser focused as to what is working and what needs to change!
If this is you… How will you stay peaceful?
1. Face your worst fears
The first thing I would encourage is for you to face your worst fears around what is to come. Allow your mind to go there, and then ask yourself these questions…
What is the worst that can happen?
If the worst happened, would I be happy with my life? If not what would I need to change?
Recognise and remember this!
Cancer can be a real wake up call to you living your life! It takes you off auto pilot and allows you to be grateful for what you have, and it gives you little tolerance for what you have that needs to go!
As I began my treatment, i decided to be very transparent with others, my clients, friends and family. It’s a double edged sword because all of a sudden this thing called cancer gets to be the centre of everyones’ conversations. Which pissed me off on a number of occasions!
But the other side of this was people shared their experiences with me on their cancer journeys. People I didn’t know very well came forward to offer me love and support and share their experiences and their success! It was so humbling… people were so very kind to me.
From the minute I was diagnosed until the day I returned to work I had fresh flowers sent to me every week by various people. 6 months of fresh flowers, 6 months of regular ‘I’m thinking of you’ it was so healing and I felt such love by people.
How to stay peaceful through your journey
2. Don’t resist… surrender to the journey.
Don’t be british! No stiff upper lip! Be open and share your experience… Don’t resist, but instead surrender to the journey. Take the comfort and support from wherever you find it!
Ask for help
Take the offers
Be very grateful for the love and support and really know and feel how loved you are.
As I came out of the journey and I started to get better, I made some big decisions. I separated from my husband. We stayed friends but I knew neither of us were happy.
I decided I wanted more joy and meaning in my life. My following the crowd and doing what everyone expected of me was only to please them, and not myself. What is the point of living a life for everyone else? So at that point I decided to be more authentically me.
How to stay peaceful through your journey
3. Live YOUR life!
Stop people pleasing. Decide what you want for yourself and live life your way. Don’t worry about what others might think or say. The chances are your making changes will inspire others!
And when your health improves and you can feel the life return to your bones you are reinvigorated and reenergised with your life. It becomes a real gift and your make the most of each and every day!
I am now 3 years on from my treatment and so far all is well.
I look back at my journey and now feel very grateful for it, because it really changed me at a deeply fundamental level. my life is more MY life now and not everyone else’s.
18 months after my treatment I watched the stand up to cancer program where Rhod Gilbert went through a very similar experience to me and I was in awe of him, which then turned inwards and I realised just what I had gone through myself. Here is what I wrote in my journal that evening…
“Well that was interesting watching the stand up to cancer program. How amazing was he! and I did it too! How tough was the experience and I did it too! How grateful was he to still be alive? and I am too!
Cancer, the bastard liberator!
F**king hard core that comes in, slaps you awake and tells you to f**cking get on with it!
I was so courageous
I was so brave
I surrendered to the process fully but not to the cancer
I was woken up by the cancer and given a window in which to view life.
I mustn’t lose the view it gave me…
Cancer showed me
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- Life is joyous!
- Be all of who you are born to be
- Love fiercely and freely
- Know your worth
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- I am so solid and strong
- I am a fierce competitor
- I am a gentle warrior
- i am woman and here to love and lead
- i am wise and mature
- i am unshakable in my faith in myself
- i am a mountain of strength
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Cancer has finally allowed me to meet myself; and I am amazing!
You have no idea yet what joy and gifts you will receive from your own journey but I promise you, you will! Stay open and loving to yourself. Face your fears and surrender to them. Don’t resist what comes your way but stay open to the lessons you learn!
I hope this gives you strength and encouragement. Keep going, you’ve got this!!
I read this, l read it again and again.
I am in awe of your courage, strength and achievements.
You are amazing!